Redefining Normal Part I

Dear Friends,

Recently I received a phone call from a loving and honest friend.  Although we haven't been friends for very long, we seem to have a lot in common.  In this conversation, she shared some interesting thoughts/observations.  One of the observations she mentioned was my absence of writing and sharing my journey of faith on Facebook.  Over the last year, I spent approximately 10 months during the time my dad was sick, updating friends and family of my dad's health and our family's progress, especially in regards to our hope and trust in God.  Since his death, I have been somewhat silent. For those of you wondering, I want to share what's been going on.


I was raised in a very close family.  We care a lot for each other and know how to encourage each other.  When I was 8, my brother died and during the years to follow, my parents did everything they knew to give me a healthy happy life.  They did too! I was nurtured, loved, and always valued in their eyes. Because of this though, I hardly saw my parents grieve the death of Kevin.  They made sure life moved on and helped me achieve whatever dreams I desired. Later as I grew older, my mom revealed that every day driving to/from work, she cried nonstop.  The reason I'm mentioning this is because since my daddy died, I'm finding this grieving process difficult.  What seemed to protect me earlier in life, is causing me to struggle now.  Because I never saw my parents cry much, I find it uncomfortable to cry.  Even around my husband, mom, family and closest friends, I don't want to show tears.  Because of this hesitation, over the last few months, I have drawn away from people, some of my closest friends.  I am so ashamed of this.  I am unbelievably blessed by love.  My humble and patient friends and family extend grace, service, love, and prayers for me.  And yet I can't seem to talk openly.  I have wanted to share my heart and thoughts, but haven't known how.  When I received this recent phone call , I began thinking of how I could still communicate and share my heart, like I had done over the last year.  So as part of my "redefining normal,"(as stated by our Senior Pastor) I have decided to start this blog as a way to help me grieve.  I enjoy sharing my God story with you all. You have no idea how much joy you've brought into my life this year. I want to engage in conversations with many of you but I've realized at this point, writing is an easier outlet than talking.  So if you decide to share this journey with me, thank you.  I truly thank God for so many of you!